Just a cautionary word this is nothing more me needing to get some stuff of my chest so feel free not read.

So in the last weeks I have experience pain in as many forms as it comes in( I think). So lets start with the mental pain then will focuses on the physical and finish up with the emotional.

Mental pain
Mostly this is do to the fact that I have got myself in to a financial pinch. I have been blaming this on several things but I came to the realization that it’s my own fault through my self destructive behaviors. I don’t really care for my job and have therefore not done what I should to keep my business running right. And have lost customers do to stupid things like not returning calls and doing a craptapular job and them finding a new hood cleaner. So there is the reason on to the pain. I have been out money do to the ice storm, a car braking down, and my putter dieing. While these are thing that if I did not have to pay for I would be okay it’s not their fault if I had the customers I had a year and a half ago I would be hurting right now but not thinking of going out of business. So to summarize I have been worrying a lot and am in mental anguish over this

Physical pain
The physical pain has been do to the worrying over the money that has laterally caused me to be sick more then once. Thus starting a vicious cycle worry about money, stress eat, lose lunch, worry about the money I just wasted on eating just to offer it up to the porcelain god. Rinse repeat. Also I have abused my body to premature old age in the knees ankles and wrist thanks to the weather I hurt nuff said.

Emotional pain
Well some of you know some don’t so to spare feeling I’m going to keep this really really vague I don’t know if I covered this or not and don’t care to look to see if I did. But I derive my happiness and to a degree self worth form what I do for others. Long story short a person utterly trashed my happiness by striping almost everything I could do on a project for a group of people. Leaving me feeling totally unwanted and mostly unneeded.

One last thing as transpeople we need to remember at our future rights and privileges rest in how we are seen by the populous. I bring this up because a transperson ended up on national TV. So for the last time long story short. This trans person has hooked up with a group of quote unquote normal persons that are pulling stupid childish stunts that I feel no one should. And the TV station single out the transperson making sure to point out that they where trans thus making us all look childish to the general populous.

Tags: depression, self-worth, work
Current Location: home(bolivar)
Current Mood: stressed

Well since I have not gave a meaningful up date in like eight months and I cant sleep I figured that I would up date you all on the goings on in my life. I have been on hormones for seven months with out seeing a doctor. Okay I spare you all the time in responding that it is a stupid thing to do and say I know that it is. But the good new is that I talked to my GP today (well technically yesterday) and he said that he would monitor my health and my do the proscribing but that was not a definite. But it’s totally good I’m happy with the results I’m getting on a small dose. Other then the side effects that are common. Can’t say wanting to eat all the time is a good thing, and let me tell you I really am starting to hate the hot flashes. The powers that be seem to be punishing me for poking fun at my mom when she had them after her hysterectomy. They love to come at the worst times possible. For example yester day at Wal-mart with their ac running it was like maybe 65 in there and here I am sweating like a stuck pig hoping no one notices, if they did no one said anything but still. Other then that my life has not changed much. So bye for now.

What type of Fae are you?

Your results:
You are Deanna Troi

Deanna Troi 80% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 80% Beverly Crusher 75% Geordi LaForge 70% Spock 62% Jean-Luc Picard 60% Data 57% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 55% Chekov 50% Uhura 50% Mr. Scott 40% Worf 40% James T. Kirk (Captain) 35% Mr. Sulu 35% Will Riker 30%

You are a caring and loving individual. You understand people's emotions and you are able to comfort and counsel them.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test

Current Mood: indifferent

a week later i finly got a round to updating the post with links

So like labrat78 post on 6-12 got me riled up over (in my not so humble opinion) Christians over judgmental stance on the trans-gendered community. And I started writing a reply with ammo for those times when the Christians play judge and jury. When it far exceeded what in my mind is the appropriate response length.

So my approach to dealing with fellow Christians is as follows
1. Remember the verse they try and use against you this is important later. For trans-gendered issues they like Deuteronomy 22:5 in short it says don’t cross-dress. For gay issues they like the Sodom and Gomorrah
Story and a verse out of Leviticus I forget the chapter and verse
2. Some light bible reading is not bad, you don’t have to take it literally, but knowing enough to spout book, chapter and verse back in your defense helps. I like to use Luke 6: 37-38 NIV, Acts 10:34 CEV and last but not least and only works if you are a fellow Christen John 3: 16 (any) emphasize the all-inclusive part (ex for NIV “whoever” for KJV “whosoever“) though others have used 1 Samuel 16:7, Matthew 19:12
3. Don’t get all worked up, you are liable to let them pant you in to a corner
4. The more you point out their “sins” the faster they will go away.

Back to remembering the verse they used to condemn you, you need to do this so you can counter it next time. Here is how, find some verse that override theirs or if they have taken it out of context it can be made moot some times by putting it back in context

So some thing you can do to screw with their head when it happens to you
1. They like to use the Old Testament laws as weapons, use them back. The obscurer the better.
2. Memorize your rebuttal verse verbatim for one or both of the commonly used versions (NIV or KJV) and AT least one non-commonly use bible versions I would recommend the CEV. Then find the one they are least familiar with. Stating that it’s verbatim. This has worked well as a diversionary tactic for me. If you can get them debating the viability of the claim of verbatim they might forget what started it. At least for a little while.
3. If you can appear to be losing and then crush them with a one two knock out get them going on all the things they think are wrong with you. Then hit them with Luke 6: 37-38 NIV

Please realize that is while probably not make you any friends. But is pretty good at getting them to go away.
So here is what a conversation that I had a wile back, way back to just after high school, with the wife of my then best friend. She being c, me being m and her hubby being h

c: your living in sin with that cross-dressing thing you do.
m: how so?
c: Deuteronomy 22:5 say you are an abomination if you do.
m: ah yes they burned Joan of arc using that verse, funny she is NOW a saint.
c: while god told her to, so it was okay
m: how do you know god has not told me to do so are maybe he made me with the need to do so, the later being what I believe to be the truth.
c: there is no need for it there for I can say that he has probably not.
m: so you came to know the all mighty’s thoughts and plans for me.
c: no, but it’s is there in black and white if you care to look it up.
m: I have and in several versions to boot, but this is getting us know where. You believe it is relevant where I don’t.
c: I’m just worried about your soul.
m: I worry about my soul too.
c: then stop and ask god for forgiveness.
m: after you
c: I don’t cross-dress.
m: you don’t? So let me guess those aren’t pants you’re wearing.
c: yes but their girl pants
m: so I see, it is not a sin if society says so. Not to long ago it would not have been okay
c: but it is now
m: ok find lets say you aren’t sinning by wearing pants, but you do brake other old testament laws, like eating pork and to pull one out of you precious Deuteronomy 22 the wearing of garments of mixed fabrics. What about not working on the Sabbath derived from the Hebrew word for rest? A day to rest and commune with God to be held on the seventh day of the week. That is Saturday not Sunday by the way.
c: you know when Christ came he lifted a lot of those.
m: so again you claim to know mighty’s thoughts and plans.
c: NO, it just makes since.
m: no they are society norms what’s not to say they can change. See you statement to justify you wearing pants
c: god said to obey the laws of the land for what you hold true on earth I shell hold true in haven.
m: find the law state or federal that I’m breaking. (There are some but their not well know and almost never enforced) I bet you can’t.
c: but the church says it’s wrong there for its wrong.
m: churches have said a lot of things where wrong like dancing, working on Sundays, reading any thing but the bible things change. So who is to say who is right and wrong? What if I start a church that says if you don’t cross-dress it’s a sin?
c: now you are just being silly.
m: good argument, what ever
c: don’t go down the path the devil is leading you on.
m: wow you know the thoughts and plans of the devil now too. I’m impressed.
c: you now I don’t
m: could’ve fooled me you sure are acting like it
c: I just don’t want you to burn
m: in light of the point that this is point less, and is going in circles I give up. But I have one last point. And that is Luke 6: 37 AND 38 I know you know part of Luke 6:37 we Christians like using the first part when some one is being judgmental to us but lets look at the part after the whole judge not less ye be judge. End of 37 says the same thing only reversed it forgive and be forgiven. Now on to 38: it talks about giving and getting in return, but the part I want you to really think about is the end, the measure you use will be used for you. So if you are holding me to an obscure Old Testament law will you be held to Old Testament laws you like to ignore.


with love and malice, Annie

Current Mood: mischievous

Yay I suck. Just gave myself more issues. I’ll try to post tomorrow with out doing that.

Current Mood: distressed

Your Life Path Number is 1

Your purpose in life is to lead others. You have great drive and determination. Nothing is going to stand in your way. You seek out challenges and the spotlight. You'll take all the work - and all the glory. Status and success are important to you. You demand the best from everyone and everything. In love, you tend to take a protective role. You enjoy being the provider in relationships. You expect others to be like you, and as a result, you are often disappointed. A little selfish and vain, you always put yourself first. Remember, everyone already knows you're great - you don't need to remind them!

Current Mood: indifferent

Whelp after drinking a half gallon of milk I learned the hard way I'm Lactose Intolerance. Long story short I have sat on the porcelain thrown in the last 3 hours then in the last 2 weeks.

Current Mood: sick

I so give up on trying to figure out the whole sexuality thing. I'm not looking for a relationship so what dose it matter. I mean really how often does it come up? So last week it came up a lot and I got lots of weird looks when I said I did not know. I could just see them thinking “ya right your gay and just don't want to admit it.” 
So on to a happier subject. I read “Luna a Novel” by  Julie Anne Peters. One of the few times I have read a book cover to cover in one sitting. It is wrote form the point of the sister of a transsexual. It is a definite read for any young transsexual. I had to lean the hard way that people weren't going to jump for joy over me finding my-self, it was a hard pill to swallow. It would all so help any one not understanding what we do to those that love us and can understand what we are going throght. So any who I feel that I have talk for the book enough and will let it speak for it’s self. From the inside front cover. 

“Luna,” she repeated softly, more to herself than to me. “Appropriate, wouldn’t you say? A girl who can only be seen by moonlight?” 

Regan’s brother, Liam, can’t stand the person he is during the day. Like the moon from whom Liam has chosen his female namesake, his true self, Luna, reveals her only at night. For years, Liam has transformed himself into the beautiful girl he longs to be with help from his sister’s clothes and makeup in the secrecy of their basement bedrooms. Now, everything is about to change --- Luna is preparing to emerge from her cocoon. But are Liam’s family and friends ready to welcome Luna into their lives? 

Compelling and provocative, this is a groundbreaking novel about a Transgender teen’s struggle for self-identity and acceptance.

A few last points I have to make about this book. With out giving anything away, the ending was a little open for my taste. Lastly if you are going to get it from the Springfield library center on south Campbell. I hope you like the smell of women's lucky u. some one spelt it on the last 20 or so pages. And no it was not me even, though it is my favorite perfume.

With Love, Annie

 

 

Tags: book reveiw, sexuality
Current Location: Bolivar
Current Mood: content